How far would you go to spice up your sex life?
What you do behind closed doors is your business, unless you want people to know. I recently had lunch with a friend who is a recent divorcee. We’ll call her Jay. Jay is attractive, educated, and very discreet. When she told me she and her new boyfriend attended a lifestyle party, my assumption was they party with people that have the same interests. And while that does explain what she eventually told me, I wasn’t ready for what I heard. This particular lifestyle party was for swingers.
Urbandictionary.com defines a swinger as a person who dates/sleeps with multiple people at the same time. Good ole Merriam kept it short by stating, “a swinger is one who engages freely in sex”. Jay’s definition went something like this: we are intimate with other couples and singles and sometimes that involves sex. Ok got it. So of course I wanted to hear more.
Where do you begin? Do you approach random people at lifestyle parties?
Jay: We usually find out about parties through an online community for swingers. Parties could be at someone’s home or a swingers club. If we meet someone on a site we send a quick hello message and ask what they’re looking for. If we are all looking for the same thing we agree to meet for drinks or dinner. If that goes well, we go from there. If at a party it’s pretty much the same process but in person. It’s more direct because you’re face to face.
What role does jealousy play?
Jay: No role for us. We talked about this at length before we made the decision to do it. We have rules. For example, he can’t go meet up with a woman alone and same for me with a man.
You mentioned a club. Describe the atmosphere. Is it like a dance club?
Jay: Yes and no. One club we went to had a dance floor but on the sides were cabanas and in those cabanas were people getting it on! Down the hall were rooms like a hotel. Each room had a theme. I saw a little bit of everything in those rooms.
What did you see? Tell me!
Jay: Let’s just say some rooms had groups of people and some were just a couple doing what they do!
Ok continue…
Down the hall from the rooms was a small movie theater playing adult films. Then, there was a small area that looked like a strip club with a pole and couches. That’s pretty much it. I was so overwhelmed by what I saw and I honestly can’t remember seeing anything else.
Did you and your man participate?
We did not. It wasn’t our thing. It was a little too out there for us. We had this vision of what it would be like and it was wilder than we imagined.
Do you think this is a gateway to cheating?
I don’t know. I think that depends on the people. You can go to work and meet someone and start an affair.
Will you attend another party?
Yes, we have plans to attend some adult pool parties this summer. We now know what to expect and hopefully won’t be too shocked. But then again, who knows!
When researching this subject I couldn’t find up to date data. According to a 2017 article by MADAMENOIRE, there are several reasons people decide to enter the lifestyle.
- They weren’t meant for monogamy.
- They like to break the rules.
- To promote jealousy or competition.
- They’re voyeuristic.
- Their sex life is dead but their bond is not.
- They’re bisexual.
- They don’t want to cheat.
- Sex isn’t emotional for them.
How far would you go to spice things up?
